2 More Blocks Done! Yay!

2 new patterns in my Craftsy store! I can't wait until this whole this is finished so I can show you! IT's going to be CUTE! 

In the meantime, I'm not loving the fabric I sewed another block with (yes...I am going to have to re-do it...dang it.)

Why I hate the phrase, "At least you have 2 kids!"

Today has been interesting rough.

Today, my husband and I got news that we have some pretty tall fertility issues to overcome if we want to have another baby.

We knew this was likely, but I guess you always have that small bit of hope that it's not the case.  I mean, we have 2 kids already and were able to conceive in under a year with both of those pregnancies.

Prior to finding this out, when talking to friends/family/acquaintances I have briefly mentioned that it might be difficult for us to have any more children.

The response that I get most often is, "Well, at least you already have 2 kids." Or, "At least you already have a boy and a girl."

While these responses are well meaning, it does nothing to soothe my aching heart.  I appreciate the sentiment that is meant by these phrases, but what I want to hear is, "I'm sorry. I will pray for you!"

I know that for every woman, inspiration and feelings they get are different, so I won't try to pretend that my feelings are the norm or even common, but I will try to explain them the best that I can.

Prior to deciding to try for both of my kids, I had a specific feeling.

This feeling is hard to describe, but I will do my best.

Have you ever missed someone so much that it hurt? Like a deep aching inside you?

I have that feeling.  I feel like I miss someone, but when I try to put a finger on who it is that I'm missing, I can't come up with a name or a face or anything really.  Just a feeling that I miss someone and I need to see them.

I feel like whomever I'm missing is somehow infinitely different from anyone I presently know, but somehow in some way I know them.

This feeling has happened to me prior to conceiving both of my children.

And the feeling does not go away until I find out I am pregnant.  After that moment, I am so excited.

I can barely wait for this moment:

A mom for the first time.  Little Buddy and I. 

My sweet Ten joins our family. 

Nothing--AND I MEAN NOTHING--can adequately soothe a woman's heart when she feels that ache for another baby.  The only comfort she receives is through Jesus Christ and knowing that through His atonement all things will be made right one day.

So, the next time someone tells you that they are having fertility issues, please offer a prayer in their behalf if you feel comfortable.

And if you feel so inclined, say a prayer for us.  We need all the prayers we can get.

We're still missing someone.

Still waiting on the moose...

Buddy's say cheese face. 

Today, while Ten napped, Buddy and I read If You Give a Moose a Muffin.  Then, we made these Blueberry Orange Muffins.

He had an absolute blast.  I think I'm going to start pairing books with activities a little more often at our house.

When I asked him if he wanted to take some to Daddy, he was really hesitant and didn't really want to.
{We did anyways.}

You see....he's still waiting on the moose to come for his muffins.

Oh boy...it's going to be a long wait.

Internet Philosophy 101--A Response to the "Frozen Conspiracy"

Snowman Bum *see explanation at the bottom of the post*

I ranted about this topic on Facebook.  Yep. I did.

Has anyone noticed a trend of "Internet Philosophers?"  I have. And it makes me want to vomit.

It almost makes me think that bloggers are TRYING to write about something that will get 10 bajillion hits. It could be something shocking...or something heart warming...but whatever the case, it's exhausting.

"Let your husband love you."

"I let my wife go."

"Frozen is a huge conspiracy."

You've seen the posts. (If you haven't, you're lucky!)

I'm as guilty as anyone when it comes to clicking on these posts.  Sometimes, they do have common sense.  I will admit that.  But, that's the thing. It's common sense.  And, sometimes it's nice to be reminded that you need to be a better spouse/mother/friend/aunt/cousin/sister/customer/student/waitress/flight attendant/mail lady.

But, in all honesty.  I'd like to see more courtesy on the interweb.  I'd like for people to not hide behind their screens and scream at each other.  You would never do that face to face, so why is it okay to type it?

I'd like to see more "real life" being lived.

I'm guilty of checking to see what's new online far too frequently.

Is there even a log out button on Facebook?!?!?!?

I kid. I kid.

And...here's one last question for you.

If you post something on Facebook, and no one is online to "like" it or comment on it, DID IT REALLY HAPPEN!?!?!
 
*Picture explanation*
Today, Ten, Buddy, and I played with play dough. Buddy wanted to make a snowman.  Once 3 balls of play dough were put together he said it needed eyes.  Once I gave it eyes, he was pleased, but apparently didn't feel the snowman was complete because he said, "Mom, make bum!" and pointed to the backside of the snowman.  So, I did.  Must be all the brainwashing he got from watching the movie Frozen. Pure evil. {LOL}

The Power of Prayer

Dealing with anxiety is no joke.

I have discussed my anxiety with several doctors & my therapist (if that's what I'm supposed to call him...not really sure of his title, but he's a counselor and he has his PhD--he's a Psychologist.  There...that's a better title.)

The Favorite (my husband) and I feel like we should add another child to our family.  This complicates matters as I am not eligible (while trying to conceive) to be on any sort of anti-anxiety meds.  They are all C & D rated and after discussing the possibilities with doctors, I prefer and CHOOSE to not be on meds. It was a tough decision.  It was a very personal decision, and I won't be discussing that...at least not for the time being.

What I will say, is that I have still been struggling with anxiety, but I feel I'm making some headway.

Today, I wanted to take my kids to the library and then go to Costco.  Taking on this feat with a 3 year old and a 1 year old in tow would give even the bravest mother anxiety...lol.

I almost talked myself out of the trip several times.  But, I'm determined that anxiety won't beat me.

When I was in high school, I was diagnosed with IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome).  Since having my thyroid removed, my anxiety levels have skyrocketed and thus my IBS has flared up as well.  Thinking about having an IBS attack in public gives me anxiety, which makes my IBS flare up...it's a vicious cycle.

Anxiety is not rational. I worry that people will judge me if I need to make an emergency trip to the restroom. I worry that I won't make it to the restroom because I have 2 kids to get out of their car seats and carry into a store or gas station (or whatever) with me.

I am the queen of roadside pit stops....and I'm pretty sure those are frowned upon in the big city.

Back to my trip to the library.  It went really great! The kids were {relatively} obedient. They loved it.  I let them play with some toys while I looked for books they might like.  We put a puzzle together.  We read a book.  We checked out our books.  And, much to their dismay, we headed for Costco.

Several times, I thought I would need to use the restroom, but, surprisingly, didn't go once while there.

In the parking lot at Costco, I thought I needed to go...again...I did my breathing, and loaded my kids in a shopping cart. Success! I calmed down.

I stopped on my way in to look at some incredible low priced shoes.  Crossing my fingers, I checked for my husband's size 14 Extra Wide. I didn't really think they'd have them.  We usually have to special order.  But, when I see a deal, I check just in case.

I asked a middle aged man looking at the shoes if he happened to see that size.  He kind of chuckled and said that he hadn't.

I tried on a pair in my size and the man came back with his wife and said, "Excuse me, do you mind if I ask you a question?"

I never really know what to say when someone says that.  So, I said, "No, I don't mind. Go ahead."

He said, "I noticed your scar," referring to the scar on my neck, "Did you have your thyroid removed?"

"Yes.  I have thyroid cancer."

"I had thyroid cancer, too!"

And thus went the conversation.  I told him that the hardest thing at the moment was the anxiety.

He told me that after his surgery, he suffered from really bad anxiety as well.  He told me some things he figured out (that I am definitely going to try) and told me that it will get better with time.  When I told him that I didn't want to be on meds, he said, "Aaaah, you don't need meds anyways. It will get better."  He said it took him about a year before his anxiety improved (due to some things he did to help it.) He also said that it took him about 3 years to feel completely normal and regulated.  He encouraged me not to give up hope that I will one day feel better.

As he was leaving he said, "God bless you!"

I cannot tell you how many prayers I have said regarding my anxiety.  I don't know that what he told me will be the answer, but what I do know is that God is listening.

This was the first time a total stranger has asked me about my scar.

Just hearing that he went through something very similar and got through it and is much better gives me so much HOPE! Just to hear someone give me encouragement instead of tearing me down or judging me (yep...it's happened) is nice.

I'm ready to kick this anxiety to the curb!

So, I just want you to know that your prayers are heard.  Keep talking! God is listening! And, if you pay attention you will see that God loves you and is there for you!

Randall & Roz

Randall & Roz are DONE! WOO HOO! 

Link to patterns HERE! 

Pay very close attention when sewing the eye areas on these patterns.  Those sections are the most difficult.

Boo!

I must be crazy making all of these patterns! But, I'm having tons of fun! It's really fun to design your own blocks and then sew them together and watch the magic that happens! I did make a few changes to the Boo pattern after sewing a trial one. I had her nose included, but I decided she would look better with it embroidered on instead of included in the paper piecing (or left off all together if you so choose.) 

The pattern is available HERE.

"Kitty!" (aka James P. Sullivan or Sully)

I had a lot of fun piecing Sully together! Again, my little Buddy recognized him from the get go, which is always super encouraging! Love that little guy!

Another Pattern DONE! Now onto more Monster's Inc. Patterns I suppose!

You can access the free pattern HERE!

Back Then

A video posted by Wranglerstar back in November (below) reminded me of my days as a YCC (Youth Conservation Corps) supervisor for the US Forest Service.  

Our crew did many conservation projects on the Coronado National Forest.  One of the projects we completed was a new pole fence at Columbine on Mt. Graham. After the trees were felled (by the chainsaw certified supervisor,) our crew skinned the bark off of each log with Pulaskis.  Then, we used MAJOR team work to either carry the logs to the site the fence would be or lift them onto a trailer. Logs are really heavy when they are wet.  Once they dry, they are extremely light in comparison.

The Fence Completed!

We taught the kids how to saddle and ride horses (and/or mules) that belonged to the Forest Service. 

Allison with "Dolly Parton"

2 of my crew members standing outside the tank they had to shovel mud out of.

Preparing a "road block" so that ATVs or Trucks could no longer go into an eroding area.

We had lots of fun.  Here I am with a 5 0'clock shadow.

The other supervisor during our fence construction.

"Road Block" construction

The largest known tree on Mt. Graham

It took 4 people arm to arm to go around the circumference of this tree.

Nice mustache! 

Priceless!

Working the the Arizona summer was not always pleasant,
especially when we didn't get to go up on the mountain.  This was on Frye Mesa. SCORCHING HOT!

1 crew member wiring a log, while the other uses his weight to keep it in place.

Cleaning a natural spring so wildlife can enjoy the water.

Stunning!

Getting the horses ready for the ride.