Monday, February 24, 2014

Why I hate the phrase, "At least you have 2 kids!"

Today has been interesting rough.

Today, my husband and I got news that we have some pretty tall fertility issues to overcome if we want to have another baby.

We knew this was likely, but I guess you always have that small bit of hope that it's not the case.  I mean, we have 2 kids already and were able to conceive in under a year with both of those pregnancies.

Prior to finding this out, when talking to friends/family/acquaintances I have briefly mentioned that it might be difficult for us to have any more children.

The response that I get most often is, "Well, at least you already have 2 kids." Or, "At least you already have a boy and a girl."

While these responses are well meaning, it does nothing to soothe my aching heart.  I appreciate the sentiment that is meant by these phrases, but what I want to hear is, "I'm sorry. I will pray for you!"

I know that for every woman, inspiration and feelings they get are different, so I won't try to pretend that my feelings are the norm or even common, but I will try to explain them the best that I can.

Prior to deciding to try for both of my kids, I had a specific feeling.

This feeling is hard to describe, but I will do my best.

Have you ever missed someone so much that it hurt? Like a deep aching inside you?

I have that feeling.  I feel like I miss someone, but when I try to put a finger on who it is that I'm missing, I can't come up with a name or a face or anything really.  Just a feeling that I miss someone and I need to see them.

I feel like whomever I'm missing is somehow infinitely different from anyone I presently know, but somehow in some way I know them.

This feeling has happened to me prior to conceiving both of my children.

And the feeling does not go away until I find out I am pregnant.  After that moment, I am so excited.

I can barely wait for this moment:
A mom for the first time.  Little Buddy and I. 

My sweet Ten joins our family. 

Nothing--AND I MEAN NOTHING--can adequately soothe a woman's heart when she feels that ache for another baby.  The only comfort she receives is through Jesus Christ and knowing that through His atonement all things will be made right one day.

So, the next time someone tells you that they are having fertility issues, please offer a prayer in their behalf if you feel comfortable.

And if you feel so inclined, say a prayer for us.  We need all the prayers we can get.

We're still missing someone.


Shillene Hancock said...
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Shillene Hancock said...

I really am grateful you shared this! You described your feelings, I feel very well! I know the Lord gives mothers those distinct feelings for a reason. There is hope, and I am glad that you are holding on. Thank you Allison for sharing your heart. It helps others to be more understanding. You and your great family are in our prayers! We love you all!!

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